How To Get Scammed in 10 Minutes or Less!

I have seen many ads for “Masterclass” courses all over my Facebook feed over the years.  Boy do some of them look enticing and most definitely personally relevant to my life.  “I can learn how to negotiate a hostage situation???? Sign me up!”  And then I thought to myself, “Ya know, I feel like I myself have a WEALTH of knowledge to drop, why couldn’t someone pay ME for my masterclass offering? And THEN I thought - you know, the students’ achievements are its own reward.  I don’t need money to be fulfilled, knowledge for knowledge’s sake!  So here is my great masterclass:

How to Get Scammed in 10 Minutes or Less. 

Oh yes, I can indeed teach you how to be scammed THAT FAST.  Impressive, right?  Your whole bank account POOF!!!!  You don’t even need a monthly subscription that you’ll inevitably forget you signed up for - I guarantee almost instant results!  In fact, if you immediately apply each step of the following method you have my PERSONAL GUARANTEE that if you are not scammed, and your bank account not emptied within 10 minutes, I MYSELF will empty your bank account for you and make off with your money!  That’s right!  I DELIVER RESULTS!!!  I have no wish to be burdened with someone else’s money dropped into my lap, but alas, if I must, I must!

But enough about my fabulous personal guarantees, onward to the material, that’s why you’re here isn’t it?  To become a MASTER.

The very first step is to begin your scam journey on Social Media - most likely, Facebook, but maybe a Google search reveals an actual website.  Fear not!  We shall cover information and steps for both, because after all, you want to be a master, and a master must master all things in their art!

Facebook Step 1: Definitely look for someone on social media whose first AND last name is a first name.  Or the last name is just like the first name.  Mary Becky.  Tom James.  James Tom.  Eric Ericson.  Thomas Thomson.  Robert Jeffrey.  Scammers like to be all sneaky and make themselves hard to spot so only the cleverest of us can winkle them out.  Don’t be fooled by normal names who seem to represent real people!  Look for these people in community groups like “Cute Puppies for Adoption” or “Puppies for Rehoming.”

Facebook Step 2: Be sure Bob Bobson has a brand new Facebook profile - with no or very few friends.  The lonelier the better.  And if Scotch and other fine whiskey has taught us anything “New is Always Better.”  This social media account should include a weird profile picture of a person that looks like something out of a random catalogue.  Maybe a profile photo of a 5-star general - because he most definitely would be passionate about selling his top dollar teacup French Bulldogs at an affordable price.

If you have instead stumbled upon a promising website, maybe possibly linked to Bob Bobson’s brand new Facebook profile, here are some tips:

Website Step 1:  Seek out a website that is riddled with broken English, cut-and-pasted

photos and descriptions stolen from other websites.  Scammers often have an original way of writing, often nonsensically cutting and pasting random sentences together, forgetting conjunctions and using strangely descriptive words that were obviously generated from “Google Translate.”  Phrases like “kindly would you please,” we have a “health assurance.”

To pull directly from a very well-to-do French Bulldog scammer website:

“We give a guarantee of 12months that covers your puppy Your puppy is guaranteed for one year from the birth day against life undermining inherent abandons not to talk of any disease (parvo virus, distemper virus, heart-worms or any sustenance related illness) that is discovered by an authorised veterinarian, the puppy will be given back for replacement with another puppy of same quality with the same cost. The substitution will be subject to accessibility. The puppy will be supplanted and no cash will be discounted.”

Website Step 2: Be sure to find a website with streamlined options for handing over your money.  Scammers will have a very efficient process so you can click something like a “buy it now” button next to a puppy photo - you don’t even need to interact with anyone or even formally ask to fork over your money!  Immediately click on it, follow the payment steps, and BOOM!  Funds vanish almost like magic!

Now that you’ve found the perfect profile or website, it’s time to make contact!

Step 1: Begin by messaging or texting.  Make sure if you text them, that they text from a strange number.  Normal numbers are normal people.  And be sure that they do NOT want to talk to you over the phone or FaceTime.  Stay behind that keyboard!  Scam Etiquette must be preserved - the mystery maintained.  Scammers like just a bit of mystery surrounding them - sort of like a clumsy ninja who comes to relieve you of your burdensome money!

Step 2: Curious about what parents of pups look like?  Don’t be.  A good scammer will know absolutely nothing about the puppy’s parents.  They will have no photos, poor photos, or stolen photos that look mismatched.  They will say something generic like “the parents are very nice.”  To be fair, they need to be 100% focused on taking your money so silly details like parental info are far beneath them.

Now that you have absolutely zero information about who the seller is and what their dogs are like, proceed to the next part: Payment.

Step 1: Price.  The price simply must be too good to be true - scammers are kindly folk, and they want their victims errrr I mean “clients” to feel a thrill and excitement about the prospect of getting a super cheap puppy or other sundry critter.  They thoroughly enjoy making you feel like you are a savior, like Tarzan swinging in on a vine to swoop up and snuggle that little puppy, saving him from the clutches of……something.  “Only YOU John or Jane, YOU are the one for my precious furrrrr baby!”  All that is required of you is to pay said “affordable” amount immediately, or you may lose out on the scam!

It’s an even juicier deal as far as I’m concerned if there is a flashing “Sale, Sale, Sale!” Sign next to the puppy photos.  It’s always best if it’s an odd percentage off - like 43%, 81% - nice not-round numbers to really top off the likelihood that I will be getting a big nothing burger when I fork over my money!

Step 2:   Money first, talk later.  If they deflect your pesky questions and just keep asking for money, DON’T PUSH THEM!  Hand over the cash, or they may ghost you, and then you are just stuck keeping your own money!  And what’s the point of that?  Food on the table for your kids?  Clothes?  Rent?  Pffffff.  Trifles.  Money talks.  Make sure you fork over the money within 5 minutes, but no more than 15 minutes or the deal might go stale because your cold feet get the better of you.  Don’t let those feet get cold!

BONUS:  If you want the best scammer, look for one who asks for more money than originally agreed upon.  Invalid but sometimes persuasive reasons include: pet insurance, transport, extra vet costs etc, which theoretically add up to more than the original price.  And if there’s one thing an expert scammer is, it is NOT accurate in how much money something WOULD actually cost, penny for penny!  After you give them a “good-faith” deposit, cross your fingers, close your eyes, and hope that they ask for more money!

Also, be sure to pay via “WhatsApp” or another more obscure payment platform.  Or better yet, a scammer might offer to pay you with a certified cashiers check that is TWICE the amount of the puppy and just ask for your social security number and bank account info to reclaim the difference.  Again, the more mysterious, weird, and obscure the process is, the better!

And lastly, and this is important so PAY ATTENTION - In order to be scammed as quickly as possible, be sure to send your common sense on a vacation for at least 15 minutes.  Scamming simply cannot be accomplished with common sense standing in the way!  If the situation feels “off”, that’s a great sign so send that nettlesome common sense packing!

In conclusion, if you carefully follow all of the above steps, you WILL be scammed in 10 minutes or less!  Who else delivers these kind of results, I ask you?  Do you have what it takes to be a master scam victim?

In all seriousness, if you are a sane person, here is a summary of how to avoid being scammed:

- Don’t hand money over to people that have Facebook pages and post on “group” pages with first names matching last names, or generic names like “Tom Smith” and “Bob Jones.”  Scrutinize Facebook profiles.  Is their own Facebook page somewhat empty, and their focus on posting in sketchy groups?

- Be sure the profile picture isn’t something absurd - I have indeed personally seen one of a 5 star general selling tea cup frenchies.  Scammers often steal and pick silly photos for themselves.

- Be sure their Facebook account has been around awhile and hasn’t just posted random generic memes of sunsets on the beach, flowers held by a beautiful woman with some kind of saying about “peace in life.”  If it feels off, it is!   Do they have a history or posts with pups from past litters?  Do they themselves post and comment on their own photos?  See how many friends they have, are normal real people commenting on photos?

- Ask to speak with them!  Whether it be FaceTime, or on the phone.  With the advent of AI, things online are going to become far trickier to navigate.  I know we are more comfortable keeping everything behind the keyboard wall, but honestly a phone conversation is much more enlightening, efficient and beneficial than back and forth texts and emails.  If a person claiming to have a puppy won’t talk to you, run away!

- I have given examples of sloppy scammers, but there are plenty of smooth ones out there.  If the price is too good to be true, but everything else looks good, be very very skeptical.  The best way to avoid a scammer is simply to pick up the phone or ask for FaceTime.  Websites and Facebook should have some history - past pups, real people commenting on their photos, etc.

- There is no replacement for good old fashioned common sense.  Use it!  Do not impulse-buy a puppy.  You are much more likely to be scammed when you are guided by impulses and emotions - thoroughly research breeds and breeders, take time to discuss with family and friends, and go about finding your puppy in a disciplined, systematic manner.   And if your common sense indeed decides to take a vacation because that adorable fluffy puppy is so alluring, find a friend or family member who still has theirs and ask them for their input!

And lastly, please respect a good breeder’s boundaries - I understand scamming is a real problem.  But that doesn’t entitle people to invade the privacy or boundaries of others.  Many of us breeders raise puppies in our home and we do not want to compromise the safety or privacy of our families.  Speaking on the phone, FaceTiming to see pups, etc. are all well within reasonable requests.  Demanding admittance to someone’s personal home is not.  I once had a lady demand my full name and personal address before she even said she was going to commit to a puppy - uh hell no creepy lady!  Thief of some sort maybe?    I also once had someone show up two hours early to an appointment to pick up a puppy and interrupted our family breakfast because they were “excited to get their puppy.”  Not cool.  I am well-aware that historically, visiting litters was common practice. But there is a flip side of the coin when it comes to the internet and the accessibility it enables.  See my other blog post on “Puppy-buying Etiquette” for those reasons.  Our society could really benefit from a return to good manners and common sense!